Mel Savage Executive Coaching
The Highly Valued Leader Podcast - Building Your Brand

Episode 69 – Is Perfectionism Your Blindspot?

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Episode 69 - Is Perfectionism Your Blindspot?

Perfectionism can be insidious, manifesting in subtle ways that hinder the progress of even the brightest minds and high-achievers. It’s possible to underestimate your own perfectionist tendencies, and that’s where the trouble lies.

Join me in this episode as I shed light on the covert aspects of perfectionism that might be undermining your goals without your awareness. I’ll equip you with strategies to combat these tendencies and share two key concepts that will help you break free from the grip of perfectionism.

By adopting these approaches, you’ll not only sidestep the pitfalls of perfectionism but also accelerate your goal achievement with less stress and anxiety.

Ultimately, you’ll cultivate a newfound trust in your ability to follow through and succeed, without diluting your aspirations or succumbing to self-doubt.

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Hey there, my friends. Welcome back to The Career Reset podcast. My name is Mel Savage, if you don’t know me. Here in this podcast, we focus on helping you really love and appreciate the job you have, despite whatever’s going on around you. Of course, I want you to be as great at it as you possibly can be. We want you to be the success story in your own life right at work. 

This week, I was going to talk about something else, which I’ll push to next week. But this week, I want to talk about perfectionism. If you don’t think you’re a perfectionist, I always say hold on, because perfectionism can work in mysterious ways. And the reason I’m switching gears this week is because of a story, actually a conversation I had with a friend of mine. She was not a client. She’s just a friend of mine. And we were talking about our sex lives because that’s what women do. 

We talk about all the things. Nothing is off limits when you’re talking to your girlfriends. So we’re having this conversation about our sex lives and the question is how much sex is enough sex in a relationship? I know this is a career podcast so why am I talking about sex? I promise you, I’m getting around to how this talk gets rather tied into perfectionism. But we’re having this conversation. She was worried that she wasn’t having enough sex in her relationship. And she was really thinking about what the average amount was. What is the right amount? What is the average for the amount of sex you’re supposed to be having in your relationship? 

For me, not wanting to coach my friends, because that gets a bit weird. I didn’t say to her. I don’t know, what is the row? How much do you want it to be? It’s the right amount of sex if you think it’s the right amount of sex. Who cares what the average is? The minute you try to do something because you think you should be doing something, it becomes a half to not want to. When you don’t want to do something, you don’t do it anyway. It doesn’t matter what the average is. The only thing that comes out of something like that where you are trying to do something because you should do it not because you want to do it, is you don’t end up doing it. And you beat the crap out of yourself after for not doing it because everyone else seems to be able to do it. That’s why you think you should.

 So it was kind of a conversation we had where she wanted to know what the average was so that she could gauge whether she was having too little or too much or if she was she’d be happy with herself or not happy with herself. The message I was giving her was like, that you can be happy with yourself no matter how much sex you have. If it’s right for you and your partner, and you guys sorted out between you, then it’s  The only thing that makes it a problem is if you think it’s a problem. 

This got me thinking honestly about other areas of my own life. Where am I trying to live up to a certain standard? Am I trying to live up to certain averages? Am I pushing myself beyond what I want to do into what I think I should be doing? What type of results am I getting from doing that? Am I actually getting the results that I want to be getting from pushing myself through a plate from a place of have to versus want to? And of course, the answer for me is no. 

I want to tell you just another quick story and how it relates back to perfectionism. I have all these things but I am, as I say often, a recovering perfectionist. But I always related it to trying to make everything really good and perfect before I shared it with the world, versus now what I do is I just have ideas, put them together, and I get them out there and see if they stick or not. Like this podcast, if you look back to episodes at the beginning, I may not be saying the same things I have. I have moved my belief systems forward since then. 

I know that there are a lot of podcast episodes where I might be talking about things that I don’t necessarily believe today because that’s the whole process of growth. You have no ideas, you move forward, you learn things, and you get better. But that’s not the only form of perfectionism. There are a lot of ways that perfectionism manifests itself. I think that the reason I want to do this podcast is to notice how perfectionism shows up in your life because it might be a blind spot right now. You might be doing something and not realizing its perfectionist tendency. 

The reason I think it’s important that you see where your blind spots might be and where you are being a perfectionist, as I’ve said before, perfectionism is a lie that we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better. So if you think about it in that context, as a lie that we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better. By the way, it’s a lie we tell ourselves that doesn’t create the results that we want. If you want to lie to yourself about things, who cares? Lie away, I say. Nobody’s perfect, as we say. But if it’s getting in the way of the results that you want in your life, then it’s worth exploring some of these lies because the lies are the things that are getting in your way. 

In this case of perfectionism, my friend was telling herself a lie, that she needed to have so much sex, like a certain amount of sex in her life in order to have a healthy relationship, which may or may not be the amount of sex that she was having right now. It’s always healthy to explore those kinds of things but trying to rate yourself as right or wrong compared to something outside of you is dangerous because only you know what’s right for you. 

If you’re having sex once a week and you like that, you’re satisfied with that, and it’s not a problem, fantastic. Just stick with that. Who cares how much sex people are having? But if you’re having sex once a week, and you’re like, I want more than that, or that’s too much for me, or whatever, then you can go and make the change because you want to and you can start to explore, Why aren’t I having more than sex more than once a week? What could I do differently to have more sex? That’s when you want to change and that’s when you want to grow, and that’s fine, too. But judging yourself where you are as wrong and as not enough is something that you shouldn’t be doing. That’s where perfectionism kicks in where you’re turning that lens on yourself. 

So after that conversation, I decided to reflect on myself because I am a recovering perfectionist. I have all the perfectionist tendencies that I’ve uncovered over the years, or I’ve learned over the years are perfectionist tendencies, one of which is I try to do all the things. I want to be the best at everything right now. That’s kind of a perfectionist tendency. And my strive to be the best at everything right now comes from, obviously, that I think I’m not enough in some ways.

I remember when it came to my business plan and when it comes to work now, I feel like I’ve really conquered, I want to say 100%. But I’ve really tamed it down to where the perfectionist ideas that come into my head around my work are fewer and far between. I don’t deal with them very often anymore, which is great because when I was in corporate I was all up in my perfectionist shit. And I totally get that but I’ve learned to deal with it. 

In the beginning, I was putting my business plan together for running my own business. And I want to do all the things. I want to be having this many one-on-one clients and have a course and I want to be doing lives every day and this many social media posts and everything has to happen right now or else it’s not going to be enough and I’m not going to be successful. And of course, I would start that insane list of to-do’s on day one and it’d kind of last for about a week. Then I would fall off because it’s way too much for one person to do all at once, all those growth, and all those things that you needed to do in your business. 

Trying to start to do them all at once is too much. You’re not going to make it, you think in your mind. Of course, I can. I’m a superhuman. I’m a high achiever. I know how to do things. I’m a great multitasker. You have this image of yourself as being so great and being able to do so much because that’s what got you to where you are right now. You think you can do everything and you think you’re smart enough. We all think we’re super smart in our brains. We think like we’re special. Of course, we think we can do everything. 

Then about a week or two weeks into it, things start falling off. You’re not able to do everything and guess what happens? You beat the crap out of yourself, you think you’re not great, you’re not good enough, maybe you’re not as smart as you thought you were, and all of that stuff starts creeping into your head and getting in the way of getting the results that you want. 

When it came to my business, I was able to take a step back. I remember having a conversation with my coach at the time. I said to her, I was like, Just give it to me straight. We’ve been coaching for a while now. What do you think is the biggest thing that’s getting in my way of getting the results I want? I want your objective opinion. And she just said one word. She said, Perfectionism. And that really hit me like a ton of bricks. I asked for honest feedback, I wanted it, and I was ready for it. 

It’s kind of that thing where I say this all the time when I’m talking to people about coming for a consult. The most awesome thing that happens in a consult is when someone comes with an open mind, tells me their story, tells me what they’re trying to do, why it’s not working in their own mind, why things aren’t working, and I tell them what I see. And it clicks for them and they see what they’ve been doing wrong. That moment where you realize, Oh, I’ve been doing this wrong. Your brain finally sees you’ve been doing something wrong. It doesn’t want to do it that way anymore. It’s open to doing it a different way. And I’m sure you’ve had that in your life on different things where you realize, Oh, this isn’t working. Why would I keep doing this? 

There are things in my life where I’m like, This isn’t working. But I keep doing it over and over again. I’m not ready to hear the reason why it’s not working. I’m not ready to deal with it. But at that moment, when she said, Your perfectionism, I was open, I was ready to deal with it, and I was like, Oh, in what way? Then she told me it was because I was trying to do everything right now and it was too much to juggle. And of course, I was falling off and I was failing at it. When I was failing at it, I was beating the shit out of myself and it would take me a while to bounce back. 

Then I would do the same thing over again. I would try to do it all over again. And I would fail again. What happens in that process is you stop trusting yourself. You make plans, you make big goals, and you say to yourself, I’m going to achieve X Y, Zed. And even as you’re saying you’re setting the goal, like I’m going to be a better manager of people, I’m going to be a less controlling manager, I’m going to be a better leader, I’m going to have more confidence, or whatever it is, whatever your goals are, at the minute you set those goals for yourself, in the back of your mind, you’re like, Yeah, I know. I’m not going to be able to do that. Because you don’t trust yourself. 

You can’t rely on your own word and you don’t have your own back because you keep seeing this evidence of you trying and failing and trying and failing and not being able to figure it out. That’s what was happening to me in my business, where I would try to do everything all at once. And when I wasn’t figured out, I wasn’t a superhero and things were falling off. I would stop trusting that I could actually make it happen. That is a form of perfectionism. And I still am dealing with that. 

It’s interesting because my coach said to me when I asked her about this whole thing, and she said, Oh, you’re being a perfectionist. I heard it and the minute I heard it, my brain was like, Wow, she’s  I don’t want to do this anymore. My brain went to, I’m not going to be like this. I’m going to make a change. I’m going to slow down. I’m going to figure out how to do this in a more structured, compartmentalized, progressive improvement type of way. And I’m going to talk about that a little bit. 

Once my brain switched, I started making changes in how I was handling my business. I would try to do one thing at a time. I’m just going to focus on one-on-one clients right now. I’m going to do everything I can to be the best coach I can be with one-on-one clients and doing everything I can to do that, versus trying to be everything to everybody all the time. And that’s when my business turned around. And I started doing just honestly adding one thing a week or one thing every two weeks to how I was handling that versus trying to start, On Monday, I’m going to do these 20 things, and they’re going to be perfect and my life is going to change on Monday. Isn’t this great? I’m so great. I stopped looking at it that way. 

It’s funny because my coach said to me, Mel, I told you this like four months ago, and you couldn’t hear me. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to hear it. But now my brain clicked and it wasn’t just one day she told me and I clicked. Of course, I did a lot of work. I was doing self-coaching. I was journaling. I was watching myself. I was questioning my behaviours all the time when it came to my business. And I also realized this was the same perfectionist tendency that I was having that was impacting how my weight loss journey was going. 

I was always up and down with my weight loss because I was trying to do all the things. Starting Monday, I’m going to work out five times a week, I’m not going to eat junk after dinner, and I’m only going to I’m going to intermittent fasting. I’m going to cut out bread, and sugar, and all the things. Then by Friday, of course, I haven’t done all the things. I’ve only worked out three times a week. And I started eating bread and sugar again by Thursday. That kind of stuff would happen. Then I would beat the crap out of myself thinking, Why aren’t you strong enough? Why are you so weak? You work on your mind all the time. You’re a coach for crying out loud. Beat the crap out of yourself. 

It wasn’t until I said,  I want to slow down. I’m going to do this step-by-step. I’m going to take my weight loss step-by-step, just like I do with my business. And that’s hard. Week one was just workout three times, do whatever, no rules around it. Just workout for 30 minutes three times this week, whenever you want. I got that done. Yay.  now five times the next week, I just added two more workouts and then did that for a couple of weeks. And then I added no eating after dinner. I did that for a couple of weeks. It’s a much slower process. But my friends, it is working. 

I am drinking eight glasses of water a day. I probably drink 100 ounces of water a day and that’s nothing. I don’t even think about it. I work out five times a week. And now I’m going for walks all the time because I just feel like I want to. I am not eating after dinner and I’m starting to cut out junk food at lunch and throughout the day. I mean, in the middle of the day, sometimes you have that snack with coffee. That’s out. too. I’m working towards healthier and healthier meals all the time. I cut back a little bit here to cut back a little bit there. It works. 

But the reason we don’t want to do it this way is because it’s way slower. And we don’t get the perfectionist fantasy from it. We don’t get that dopamine hit from the fantasy. The fantasy is that if I start everything on Monday, a month from now my life is going to be perfect. And there’s this fantasy that we can actually start everything on Monday to be perfect. Then a month from now, you’re going to be a whole different person. It feels so great. 

You are giving your brain a dopamine hit like that pleasure sense goes off in your brain, just like when you eat a cookie. Just like when you do something while at work and someone rewards you, you get this dopamine hit in your brain, and that pleasure sensor goes off. When you’re doing things in really small bits, you don’t get the pleasure sensor from it. But ironically, you don’t get the pre-work pleasure sensor. Let me say that. Meaning, you don’t get that immediate push. 

But where the pleasure sensor goes off, where you do get the dopamine hit is actually when you’re sticking to the stuff when you’re looking at yourself going, Well done, you for doing all this great stuff. When you’re patting yourself on the back, that’s where the pleasure comes in. But you have to hold out for it. You have to be more methodical, more pragmatic and do things in small bits to be able to break that perfectionist tendency that’s telling you, You need to have it all. You need to have it now. 

The reason we do that is because we see ourselves as these awesome, super high achievers. We think we can do it because we’re so smart and because we’re already been so successful. And we want to win and we want to win fast. So we start strong, and then we fail fast. Then we give up. We give up and then we beat the shit out of ourselves. Then we try to get back on the horse but it takes a bit for the resiliency to kick in. And again, from all of us, you learn not to be able to trust your own word or rely on yourself. And in the back of your mind, you know that you’re going to not be able to make this goal even though you’re trying for it again. And it takes you longer and longer and longer to work yourself up to try again. Because in the back of your mind, you know that you’re going to fail. 

So I want to give you a couple of things to think about on this to try like an antidote for perfectionism. This one works for me every single frickin time. It’s really about the energy of perfectionism. Because perfectionist energy is really self-focused. It means you’re really focused on yourself, and what you’re doing and the results you’re getting are all about you. Your energy, your feelings, and your judgments are all about you, versus service energy where your thinking is not about yourself. Your thinking is about how to help something else or help someone else. 

Every time I am focused on myself and judging myself, I realize I’m in my own head. I’m in my perfectionist energy. And the thing that snaps me out of it every time is to turn the lens away from me, and turn it on to other people, not to judge them, but to be in service of that. I want to give you a couple of examples of this and what I mean. 

Let’s take a presentation. Let’s say, you’re going to do a presentation. It could be in a meeting at the front of the room, might be on Zoom these days, might be at a podium depending on where you are, where you’re living, and where the restrictions are, but you’re going to do a presentation and it’s live. You’re doing the live presentation. For me, I do Facebook lives every week now, which I’ve worked up to over time. I wanted to do them like a year ago. But I do them every week now on Wednesdays, and it’s a live thing. 

I get that doing a live presentation can be nerve-racking for some people. The reason it’s nerve-wracking is because you’re worried about yourself. When I’m doing a live, I can get into the mode where I am more nervous about what I’m going to say and all the thoughts come into my head. What if I screw it up? What if I don’t get my points across? What are people going to think about me? I always talk really fast when I’m nervous. This could really blow up in my face. That stereotypical perfectionism where you’re so focused on yourself. 

The thing that’s going on in my head where all these thoughts are coming from is, that I want people to think that I know what I’m talking about. Or another thought is, if I screw this up, people won’t trust me. Those are the thoughts that are going on in my head. And those thoughts are creating this feeling of anxiety. And from that anxiety, there are things I do and things I don’t do. Ironically, the thing you don’t do from anxiety is practice. So I would avoid practicing. 

I would make copious notes, like so many detailed notes that I couldn’t even remember what I was supposed to be saying or why I wrote the notes in the first place. And the whole time I’m talking in my own head about what are people thinking about me and that kind of stuff, that’s a model. That is a model that’s going on, not the presentation that’s making me feel anxious. 

For me, it’s not the Facebook live that’s making me feel anxious. For you, it’s not standing up at the podium that’s making you feel anxious. What’s making you feel anxious are the thoughts in your head about the presentation that you’re going to give. You’re focused on yourself and the thoughts, in that case, are really focused on yourself. You want people to think you’re good. You don’t want to screw it up. You don’t want to look like you don’t know what you’re doing. Those are the thoughts that are creating the anxiety. That’s perfectionist thinking. Because you’re really self-focused. 

The antidote to that is service energy, service thinking, service emotion, where it’s not about you. Service isn’t about being perfect about you being perfect. When you’re in service energy, you’re thinking, What do these people need from me? How can I help these people? That’s what I mean by turning the lens on other people. It’s not about judging them, it’s about being in service of them. Every person who’s coming to your presentation to hear you speak needs to know something. They’re listening to for a reason.

If you can connect with just one person in that audience, or you can help 10 people in that audience, then you’ve done your job. And when you’re writing your presentation, and when I’m writing this podcast, or when I’m doing my lives now, I’m just thinking, Okay, I need to speak to one person. If I can help one person, that’s it. If I was sitting with my friend having a conversation about sex, and my goal was to just help her, what would it be about? If I was talking to my client and my whole thing was just about trying to help them solve their problem, I want to be in that energy. 

It’s the same thing for everything. You can apply the same energy when you’re writing an email, when you’re going to a meeting, when you’re asking a question, when you’re offering an idea in the meeting, and when you’re thinking about doing something you’ve never done before. If you can turn the lens away from yourself, which is your perfectionist energy, and turn it towards the objective, the audience who you’re trying to help get into service energy. That works for me every single time. And sometimes the person you’re in service of is yourself. 

When I think about my weight loss journey, who am I in service of? I’m in service of myself. When I think about myself, what is the best way to help me right now? What do I need from this right now? Do I need this laundry list of things that I should be doing? Or do I need this to focus? I would never give anyone on my team that many things to do all at the same time. 

If I was comparing it to my weight loss journey to say, Okay, you need to work out five times a week, and you need to not eat sugar, and you need to drink all this water, and yada, yada, yada. You need to start on Monday, and it has to be perfect. Do not make a mistake. I would not say that to anyone on my team. I would never give them all these new things to do that they’ve never done before, or been unsuccessful at before to start at the same time and be perfect about it, and then beat the crap out of them when they’re not.

If you’re a boss of people, think about it. Think about what you’re asking people to do. It’s interesting because I talked to a lot of people, obviously, about their personal development. And I’ve said this before, as well. When your boss says to you, and if you’re a boss, maybe you say to your employee, Look, you need to be better at managing people. And you expect them to be better at managing people. You have that in your mind. That’s the filter that you’re looking at their management style through. 

But being better at managing people, depending on the person who you’re speaking to, there’s a lot of facets involved in doing that. And that person is not going to be good at all of it right away. Sometimes I don’t even know what all the things are. But even if they know the laundry list of things, they need to do better. They’re not going to be able to do them all at once. Even expecting that from someone, it’s a perfectionist tendency at work. Helping your employees break it down, starting on one thing at a time, and helping them think through this is you being in service of that person. 

So when you’re giving feedback to someone, how can you give it in a way that you’re in service of them? First of all, it happens a lot of the time. I did it, too. And I know what happens all the time with people is you think, This person is getting in the way of me getting my results. If they could just manage their people better, this wouldn’t be so stressful for me. I’d be getting better results on my team. It would cause me less grief if you could do your job better. That’s the energy that we often give feedback from, versus it really is about that person really getting to their level and thinking, How can I really help this person be better? That energy is very different. That’s really the first thing about perfectionism. A little trick that I use is just switching my energy. Once I notice I’m being a perfectionist, I just switch my energy. 

Then of course, the second thing, which I’ve been talking about, that really works for me is don’t do it all. Don’t try to do it all at once. Don’t try to get that dopamine hit ahead of time. Congratulate yourself on the back end. How many people right now are trying to create some new habits for themselves, or grow in a certain way? 

For instance, I know a lot of people who are trying to create that morning routine for themselves where they get up, say, at 5:30. They meditate, journal, workout, and read more than watch TV, and that kind of stuff to get their day going. All this kind of stuff, they do it for the first week. Maybe on and off and then it slowly falls off. Oh, I couldn’t get up at 5:30. I’m so too tired. I had to get up at 6:30. And so I couldn’t meditate, I couldn’t work out and yada yada yada, and it goes from there. 

Or let’s say, you have all these things on your development plan. You need to be a less controlling manager and a less controlling manager means you need to do these 10 things better. Let’s just take all those 10 things you need to do better. But let’s pretend for a second that each of those 10 things, how you do each of those 10 things better, is like a little training video. So now you have 10 training videos on each doing those 10 things and each of those training videos is playing on a different screen in front of you all at the same time. 

If I said to you, you need to watch all these training videos, all 10 on 10 different screens all at the same time, and you need to write everything down and make sure you hear everything and get it verbatim down and learn it, it’s impossible. You can’t focus on 10 screens and all the things that are being said to you at the same time. You can only focus on one screen at a time. But perfectionists want to do it all. Each of those screens, all those training videos and screens that I’m talking about are actually happening in your brain. All these little, what I have to do, how to make these perfect things happen in your brain, you cannot focus on all of them at the same time. You can only focus on one.

So whatever your big goal is, break it down into its parts, and then pick one of those parts. For me, let’s say, it’s working out five times a week. Make that up. And even five times might be too big. That’s a part. The exercise part is a part of it, but break it even smaller. What can you start doing right now that you aren’t totally comfortable but not so uncomfortable that you won’t do it? 

We’re going to go three times a week. It’s a commitment. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but not so uncomfortable that I won’t do it. I’m going to start with three and work my way up to five, and then maybe add on to that. Maybe it’s half an hour a week, five times a week, and then it becomes an hour, five times a week. And then it’s like an hour plus also something else later in the day. You build it up over time. It’s not sexy but it actually works because what you’re doing here is you’re setting up a baseline. 

Let’s just say, for a second that you want to be a less controlling manager. One of the things that you want to work on is your confidence because that’s really the main thing that gets in the way as a manager is your lack of self-confidence. It’s not something you’re going to work on over a weekend. You’re not going to say, Starting Monday, I’m going to be more confident. You’re going to break it into little things. Maybe week One is just all about noticing things that you do well. Maybe you do that for a week, two weeks, whatever. Maybe the next step is noticing what other people do well. And then the following week, you add something else, and then something else. 

Then maybe you start adding in how you communicate with your team, like how you problem-solve with them. Rather than telling them what to do, how do you help them solve their own problems? And you add that. You break that down into pieces, and you say, Where am I going to start this week? You pick one thing at a time. It’s not sexy, but it’s effective because you are giving yourself something to focus on and you are embedding that new skill before you add another one. You’re setting a baseline for yourself. Then every week you are adding on top of that baseline. 

Perfectionist energy is–I have to be a less controlling manager, which means I need to do A, B, C, D, E, F, G, and I need to do them all now, whereas focusing on your baseline is listing all the things that you need to do, and then picking one and breaking it down and starting there, then adding a little bit every single time. Perfectionist energy is, I’m going to on Monday. I want to get up at 5:30. And I’m going to meditate. I’m going to workout and I’m going to journal. I’m going to walk the dogs. I’m going to do all the things…, whereas setting up baselines for yourself is really about, I’m going to start by just getting up at 6:30 in the morning, and going to bed at night. Those are the two things I’m going to start. And then next week, I’ll add something else.

If you want to be a better presenter, perfectionist energy is, I’m going to be a better presenter. And so for my next presentation, I’m going to have the best slides. I’m going to be having great content. I’m going to be really conversational in how I talk. I’m going to be really comfortable. I’m going to tell some stories, everyone’s going to be laughing. I have the best jokes like. The next presentation is going to be perfect…, whereas just setting a baseline for yourself starts with practicing enough that you don’t need to read your slides. Something like that.  So not reading, just talking a little bit more than you were doing before. That could be the first thing that you do, breaking it down into little pieces. 

Sometimes we say, My boss isn’t going to be patient enough for me to break down the little pieces. I need to be perfect right now. You can manage that.  You can actually manage that. You can say to your boss, Look, I’ve broken down what I need to do. Here’s what I’m going to do. Here’s my plan. And let’s just meet every couple of weeks and see if I’m still on the plan or if the plan needs to change. You get to be in charge of your own development. You get to be in charge of how fast you do things, not your boss. You can manage it. 

And if you’re a boss, and you see that your person is struggling, why don’t you help them break it down? Help them realize that they don’t have to do everything right now because the goal is to actually achieve your goal. And if you try to do everything at once, you’re not going to achieve it. You’re going to give up. So if you actually want to achieve i, go slower. Then you’ll actually get there. What makes people successful isn’t the big actions, isn’t the overwhelming big sexy actions. It’s the small day-to-day actions done consistently over time. That’s what actually makes us successful. That’s what we need to do. 

So if you are having trouble with this, if you want to talk about it more, if you want to talk about your specific situation, more on where your perfectionism is, perfectionism is getting in your way, and you want to start to learn to take things in small steps, let’s do that. Let’s have a conversation about it. What I really want to offer you is to come and have a free one-on-one consultation with me. I’ll tell you right now, it’s at

It’s a 45-minute session, where we just talk about you specifically, where you are, what you want, what you think is getting in your way, and what you’ve tried and it’s not working. Then I’m going to tell you like I said, what I think the problem is, where you’re not seeing some of the areas where you could improve. And that alone, when you hear it is so worth the 45 minutes because you get to hear someone else’s perspective. 

In many cases, what happens is it clicks. You’re like, Oh, yes, that’s what I’m doing. I don’t want to do that anymore. Your brain starts to realize, Yeah, I’m not going to act that way. I’m not going to do this thing. That alone is worth the 45 minutes. Just having that realization is worth the 45 minutes. But of course, from there, we’re going to talk about what you could do differently in the future and put a little plan together of the kinds of things that you need to focus on to be able to address the challenge that you’re having to get the results that you want to get. That’s what the 45 minutes is about. 

If you want to work with me, we can talk about that, too. But that’s your call. This isn’t about me segueing into a sales pitch. If we talk about it, you’re like, I really want to learn more. I’m going to tell you what it’s like to work with me. If you don’t want to learn more, I’m not going to tell you. That’s what the 45 minutes is about. If you’re interested in having that conversation, go to There is like a little questionnaire where you have to answer some questions about yourself so I know where you’re at right now and can prepare myself for the conversation. Then you just book your session right there on the spot. That’s how easy it is. If you’re interested in that, please sign up. I’d love to chat with you. 

Otherwise, I want you to have a great week and I’ll talk to you next week. Bye for now.



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I have 20+ years working as a leader in the corporate world. I know what you need to do. And I combine that with four years of training as a cognitive behavioral coach. I know how to help you naturally think like the leader you want to be.

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Mel Savage

I have 20+ years working as a leader in the corporate world. I know what you need to do. And I combine that with four years of training as a cognitive behavioral coach. I know how to help you naturally think like the leader you want to be.
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